During the swim I initially thought "okay, let's just focus on rolling along, find someone to follow." And after a while I thought "this guy's going slow" and I looked up and I was in a group that looked like it was quite a ways back from whoever was at the front. And then twice I went off course and looked up and giggled again and thought "I need to practice this open swim thing a bit." Every now and again I'd just go on my own and push harder, but I think I kept ending up behind the same guy because I kept wandering.
During the bike I focused on not going too hard. My HR was 172 when I jumped on my bike, so I just tried to slow things down. After the first hill I kept smiling and singing ABBA "take it easy, take it nice and slow..." keeping my HR in the low 160's. Then my bottle rack started to fall apart. So I dumped those water bottles off and just put my head down and pedaled. I didn't know where the course went or how long it was, just that there was a hard hill somewhere along the way. I kept smiling about that and how I was just there to pedal, never mind what the course was. During the big hill it just kept going and I was slaving away wondering when it was going to end. A guy passed me and said "keep it going, you're living the dream buddy!" and I just about started to cry. Then it was over and I went sailing down the hill, loving how fast my bike was. At about 2:30 my mind started to wander and I found myself thinking "okay, time for this damn thing to end." I found I couldn't eat any more gel.
I tried a banana at the start of the run but it was too sweet as well. The run started as a sort of shuffle. But I just kept plugging away and started to feel pretty good. After mile 3 I started to cramp up, and one hill was just too steep. So I walked up the end of it, and my stomach started to really hurt. I could feel I was bloated. Running down the hill was really painful. I went through an aid station and tried to drink some gatorade but couldn't. A few miles of burping and farting and alternating walking and running, and then I could feel my energy just slipping away and I could feel I was dehydrating and needed to get some food in me. I started to get a bit disoriented and at the aid station at mile 10 I mixed some gatorade with water and had that. Started to feel slightly better and ran to the finish. I felt sick and really emotional as I ran the last bit, and I kept thinking "just hold it together till the finish line." And I did, and when I crossed the finish line I sort of half sobbed and half laughed and thought "I feel like s**t."
I've had so many thoughts about the race. How it relates to so many things in my life. How triathlon's been such a part of my career in an odd way. How I've looked at that fridge magnet that says "in 2008 I will race Wildflower" every morning when I get my cereal.
And I raced it.
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